If we will only surrender ourselves utterly to the Lord, and will trust Him perfectly, we shall find our souls “mounting up with wings as eagles” to the “heavenly places” in Christ Jesus, where earthly annoyances or sorrows have no power to disturb us.If we will only surrender ourselves utterly to the Lord, and will trust Him perfectly, we shall find our souls “mounting up with wings as eagles” to the “heavenly places” in Christ Jesus, where earthly annoyances or sorrows have no power to disturb us. ~Hanna Whitail Smith
Eleven O’clock p.m. and the heat still had sweat running down my back. Lights on the platform indicated that the Metro was coming into the station. Grand-Anna wraps her hand in the bend of my arm. “ I don’t want us to get separated.”
I laugh gently, “With only a dozen people around? You are as safe as ever.”
The doors opened. Two men, then doc entered the train.
Holding Anna’s hand I step one foot onto the train when the doors begin to close.
I press on them to indicate that someone is still in the doorway, but the doors continue to close and I am pressed tightly in their vice-like grip.
My left arm and leg are outside of the train and Anna is on the platform still with her mouth hanging open unable to do anything.
A train heading in the opposite direction passes, gently rocking our train and I am struck with horror that that this train will take off ripping my arm and leg from my body. Anna would be abandoned on the platform and not knowing what to do or having any way of calling anyone.
A wave a hot nausea rises meeting the cold sweat of fear. Muscle to breastbone increases its rhythm as my hands press on the doors without receiving the desired freedom. My voice trapped in the doors along with my body.
Something on the face of one of the passengers causes Doc to turn around. Only a step away from his bride, and he thrushes his hands between the doors which are pressing me in two, giving me the freedom and ability to once again inhale.
Still leaning on one door which has just seconds ago held me prisoner, I grab Anna by the hand snatching her quickly on board.
All of this happened within seconds.
Still somewhat dazed, I find my seat.
How quickly life had changed. Had I not just seconds ago told Anna that she was safe and nothing would separate us?
I muse over this paradox through the night. “Lord, why…?”
Life crowds into my thoughts with up coming decisions, hard feelings between friends, what does my future hold…
Then, I hear Him. The still, small voice who calls me by name, “I want all of you – do not hold out anything from me.”
Sitting up in the bed, I stare into the dark room. Am I holding out on God? What am I holding out? I thought I had given it all to him.
The picture of my arm and leg hanging out of the Metro train flashes through my mind. And it is the perfect picture of holding out. Partially in Him and partially in the world, and the division has the potential of ripping me in two.
Part of me is safely in God’s care and part of me is holding out and is in very serious danger. Unsafe and unable to save those who are in my care are the things that are not in His care, things not in His safe keeping because I hold out.
Things like worry, broken relationships, and health of children the things that occupy my mind instead of allowing Christ to occupy my mind.
Thoughts that crowd out the answers in which He longs to guide His awkward, and trapped child; here are the areas hanging outside, instead of safely in Christ.
Dark is the room that hears my confession in the early morning. Pouring out to the one who hears, and sees, and still loves without fail.
Then slowly like the revelation itself, the morning light rises, filling the windows, and bringing forth the new day. A day where I wrap myself around the extended bend of His arm.
Latest posts by Diane W. Bailey (see all)
- The Consilium – Lakeside Where Women of Wisdom Meet - September 6, 2016
- The Consilium Podcast, Episode 11, Jennifer Lee - September 1, 2016
- A Most Profound Silence - June 28, 2016
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